Living a life for the name of and person of Jesus Christ

I know one day I’m going to write a book about my experience in the Dating world.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever written a post about my dating experiences in the almost three years I stepped back into the “single” category.  For me this has been the most vulnerable place in my heart to talk, share, discuss and work through.  A friend of mine released a book last year titled, “A Year of Blind Dates – A Single Girls Search for the One.”  She even has a blog where she post her experience through the dating world.  I love how vulnerable, open, communicative, hilarious and real she is talking about her single life journey.  Since this friend of mine inspires me, I’ve decided to let the blog world enter into the craziness of my dating life!

I hate dating…period!  I wasn’t always that way.  If you would have asked me about dating when I was in my early twenties, especially between the ages of 19-22,  I would tell you with much excitement that it’s a lot of fun.  I would then proceed with my recent dates.  I can even re-call one time after high school meeting someone at a stop light on the way home from shopping at the mall with a friend.  We actually ended up going to the mall once and then my friend and I drove up to a party that his friend was having at a house.  After that party I knew I wasn’t interested any longer.  But not for him – for about a year I received calls from him leaving voicemails asking when he could see me next.  I thought after I didn’t return his second, third, fourth and fifth phone call he would get the hint!  Nope, not this one.  He did give up after the 100th call

I remember my first blind date.  I don’t remember the guys name, but he was Greek and came from a family much like, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.”  He was an EMT with my friend Jorge.  I actually met Jorge through another guy I dated.  Jorge became like a big brother (but I think he was actually interested in me at one point) and when I happened to be talking to him on the phone while he was working one day, his partner asked Jorge, “Who are you talking to?”  Next thing I knew, I was on the phone with Jorge’s co-worker making plans for a date.  We had never met before, but Jorge thought we would hit it off.  The gentleman ended up picking me up in Costa Mesa and driving me all the way to Pasadena to an Italian restaurant and walk around town while stopping at the shops and eating ice cream.

If you were to ask me what I think about dating today, I would reply, “It’s from the devil!”  I realize I’m not a dater - I’m a relationship girl.  I have no problem with dates and do actually well with conversation, questions and listening but I would much rather be in a committed relationship.  I understand that in order to be in a committed relationship – dating is part of the process…I don’t like the process.  It feels like a job interview.  You have to walk with confidence knowing that your great, smart, beautiful, funny and worthy at a chance of love.  And like going on a job interview wondering if this job is “the one” so is the same when it comes to dating.  Will this guy/girl be the one that I spend the rest of my life with?  We all think it whether we want to admit it or not.

I’ve done the online dating sites, been introduced by friends, set up by co-workers (all the woman at my work are on the look out for me) met at church, and even dated a guy back from High School.  Dating was fun when I was younger – I felt I had all the time in the world to figure out if I would meet Mr. Right, but as a 27-year-old single woman, it’s not so fun any longer.  Here comes the vulnerable, honest and real part.  I’ve actually sat down many times with my close friends sharing the deepest longings within my heart about being married and having a family one day and to top it all off, this year has been the year of many close friends getting married.  I can honestly tell you that with all the wedding’s I’ve been to this year, I’ve been extremely happy for the couples but it has also been a reminder that I’m still single. 

I’ve had to work through my own issues about being single.  I shared last post how I was in therapy for about 8 months and many sessions were centered around the difficulty of being a single woman.  As I worked through my past hurts and was able to re-think what being single means to me, I’ve come out from being this needy girl to simply desiring someone to join my wonderful life with me.  The reality is, I have a wonderful life.  I enjoy my job, constantly learning new aspects of Education, working on finishing my Psychology degree, I’m part of a great church, I’m passionate about a couple of organizations that I help with when they need my assistance, I love to stay active and do adventurous things and I have a wonderful community that I laugh with, cry with, sit with and love soo much.  And although my life is pretty darn amazing, I can’t help but feel that loneliness of desiring to share it was an amazing man.

Recently I started dating a high school friend.  He had found me on facebook and when I asked him about getting together to catch up on the last 6 years of life, he ended up taking me out to a fabulous restaurant that turned into a great date night with a goodnight kiss.  He is a very successful man with a stable life.  He treated me like a Queen.  I honestly can’t remember when I actually went on a date with a man who wasn’t afraid to tell me how beautiful and amazing I was.  The only thing – he wasnt’ a Christian.  But I thought, “No one else is making a move, why not?”  It was the first time where I didn’t have expectations or seeing him as “husband” material.  I just wanted to go out, have fun and be treated like a lady.  Anyway, I believe it was after the 2nd date where I didn’t feel sure about him.  I remember sitting and talking with a co-worker and she said, “I think you’re trying to like him, but you really don’t.”  He and I had grabbed lunch at one of my favorite cafe’s and ended up walking around the mall.  Although I was able to be completely myself I felt like he and I weren’t on the same page when it came to life goals.  He took me into Tiffany & Co (I know, on the second date…who does that?) and was telling me how much certain rings cost (you should also know that he comes from a very wealthy background and Tiffany & Co happens to be one of his favorite stores).  We came across a beautiful, rare diamond that could make a girl so giddy looking at it.  “That ring cost about $390,000″ he stated.  “What?  Are you serious?  Who buys a ring for $390,000?  They should buy something a little cheaper and use the rest of the money to go feed hungry children.”  I remember him saying, “You know Tiffany, that’s a great way to look at life.”  And it was at that moment, I knew that he and I come from two different worlds.  He was about living luxurious, stylish, chic and very comfortable and me…well I just want to live life weather or not I have a diamond ring or a Gucci purse.  And it wasn’t just the style of life that was different, I felt that he wasn’t interested in me.  I got this sense that he was only interested in how good I looked in a dress or standing next to him.  That dating relationship ended this past weekend and has I’ve reflected this week, I’ve been trying to hope that one day I”m going to meet a man who is going to be soo thankful that none of those men I went on dates with or dated worked out.

You see, the reality of this week I’ve felt rejected, confused and a little sad.  I actually even saw my therapist to hash all this out and I remember telling her how great it felt to be pursued and adored by a man and my fear is that I’ll never have that with someone.  This whole week, I’ve had to battle the lies.

Last night at Life Group we were asked to right down one word next to our name on a 3×5 card that you would like prayer for this week.  As I sat there pondering what word to describe what I needed, Hope came to mind.  I need hope.  Hope that one day I’m going to laugh at my dating experience and be thankful I kissed all those wrong frogs in hopes that it was bringing me one step close to the man of my dreams.  I could meet him today, tomorrow or 5 years from now – I have no idea, but at this moment I’m asking that God would grant me the Hope that one day it will happen, one day I’ll meet a man who completes me in many ways.  Until that time, I will continue to live my life, be a part of organizations that I’m passionate about, grow as an individual and be thankful that all this dating experience is preparing me for “the one” and teaching me more about who I am and what I want for my future.