I love moments.  The moments where spending time with friends who love you just the way you are, the moments where you sit in church and you know that God is speaking right to your heart, moments where you find yourself twirling around your house because it feels fun to go back to that little girl who are still in ways or the moments where God brings you to a place of peace and freedom. 

I have felt many moments in my life where God was so close that I didn’t want it to end.  I found myself praying, “Lord, help me to embrace this moment and remember it tomorrow when it’s not there.”  One time in particular I remember was back in February of 07 where I played Frisbee golf with some friends for the first time and ended up getting hit the lip.  Of course it had to happen my first time and with people I had just met that day.  I remember my friend and her husband taking me to the Emergency Room.  As my name was called to receive my stitches I remember laying on that bed while the nurse was putting in the 7 stitches.  When she left to get my paper work this moment came over me.  You see the night before I found myself crying in my car to the Lord about many things that I didn’t understand and crying out, “Lord where are you?”  So as I lay on the bed in the Emergency Room and the lights in my face I felt the peace like a river that Psalm talks about wash over me.  I started to get teary eyed and knew it was at that moment that He was there and that I was going to be fine.  I felt peace after that moment…my cry has been heard and He was reminding me that even in the depth of my heartache and pain…He remains.

Today I had a moment.  One I had been praying and longing for a while.  I wrote a blog a couple of entries ago about loving your enemies and how God had shown me in my heart that my ex boyfriend had  become and enemy in my heart.  It has been cold toward him.  And I had been challenged by amazing people in my life to offer that to the Lord and to even pray for my ex.  I had my life group lay hands on me for God to give me strength to release it all to the Lord…the pain, hurt, anger, sadness, disappointment, and failure. 

I came across an old e-mail during the time that I had gotten hit in the lip with a Frisbee.  It was between my ex and I at the time (during the one of the many times we broke up).  I don’t know how I came across it, but as I was reading it in the e-mail my ex was telling me how sorry he was for treating me the way that he had.  And it was at that moment with tears in my eyes that I felt God was showing me that he is sorry, even this time around.  I walked away from my computer to pray and for the first time in almost 7 months with no anger, no pride, no sadness…just a pure heart I prayed for my ex…I prayed for a blessing upon him and his new girlfriend, that together they would be better for the Kingdom of God than apart.  And I also released him to the Lord saying, “Lord he is yours now.”  With plenty of tears in my eyes as I was praying this I felt this peace wash over me.  You know that peace that James talks about…that passes all understanding.

As I shared this experience with two of my closest friends who both have walked this very painful journey with me I could not help but be thankful for the last 3 years of my life with this man, the good, the bad and the ugly – I am thankful.  I believe that my ex will always have a special place in my heart, I will always love him, but I believe that the love that God has for me and my future husband will be richer and deeper.  It will be pure and completely full of the Lord.  I don’t have to worry…all I need to do is trust.  And who knows what tomorrow will be like or how I will feel, but this is a moment I want to cherish for as long as it last.